So, this isn’t THE best thing I’ve ever read, but it is the subject line to the email I just received.
I love receiving funny emails that I can share with you. I just wish I knew the original source so they could receive proper credit. (Please comment below if you know the source.)
Enjoy!
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Dear Noah,
We could have sworn you said the ark wasn’t leaving till 5.
Sincerely,
Unicorns
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Dear Twilight fans,
Please realize that because vampires are dead and have no blood pumping through them, they can never get an erection.
Enjoy fantasizing about that.
Sincerely,
Logic
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Dear Icebergs,
Sorry to hear about the global warming. Karma’s a bitch.
Sincerely,
The Titanic
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Dear America,
You produced Miley Cyrus. Bieber is your punishment.
Sincerely,
Canada
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Dear Yahoo,
I’ve never heard anyone say, “I don’t know, let’s Yahoo! It…” just saying…
Sincerely,
************************
Dear 2010,
So I hear the best rapper is white and the president is black? WTF happened?!
Sincerely,
1985
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Dear Windshield Wipers,
Can’t touch this.
Sincerely,
That Little Triangle
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Dear Rose,
There was definitely room on that raft for the both of us.
Sincerely,
Jack
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Dear girls who have been dumped,
There are plenty of fish in the sea… Just kidding! They’re all dead.
Sincerely,
BP
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Dear Saturn,
I liked it, so I put a ring on it.
Sincerely,
God
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Dear Fox News,
So far, no news about foxes.
Sincerely,
Unimpressed
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Dear Michael Jackson,
You really should have became a Catholic Priest. The pay isn’t great, but the benefits….
Sincerely,
The Pope
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Dear jf;ldsfa/kvsmmklnn,
Please lknvfdmv.xvn.
Sincerely,
Stevie Wonder
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Dear Nickleback,
That’s enough.
Sincerely,
The World
***********************
Dear Skin-Colored Band Aids,
Please make one for every skin color.
Sincerely,
Black people
***********************
Dear Scissors,
I feel your pain…..no one wants to run with me either.
Sincerely,
Sarah Palin
***********************
Dear Mary,
Just admit that you slept with someone else. This is getting out of hand.
Sincerely,
Joseph
***********************
Dear Osama Bin Laden,
Marco….
Sincerely,
United States
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Dear World of Warcraft,
Thank you for ensuring my son’s virginity.
Sincerely,
Parents Everywhere
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Dear Anne Frank,
Two can play this game….
Sincerely,
Waldo
***********************
Dear Batman,
What was your power again?
Sincerely,
Superman
***********************
Dear Customers,
Yes, we ARE making fun of you in Vietnamese.
Sincerely,
Nail Salon Ladies
***********************
Dear Americans,
I’m sorry, did you just insult us? I couldn’t hear you over my health care benefits.
Sincerely,
Canadians
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Dear Global Warming,
You’re the best imaginary friend ever!
Sincerely,
Al Gore
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Dear Ugly People,
You’re welcome.
Sincerely,
Alcohol
***********************
Dear Mr. Gump
WTF are you talking about? There’s a little diagram on the lid that tells you EXACTLY what you’re gonna get….
Sincerely,
Jenny
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Dear Katy Perry,
I liked the kiss too.
Sincerely,
Justin Beiber
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Dear Haiti,
Is it too early to ask what’s shakin’?
Sincerely,
Seriously Going To Hell
***********************
Dear Martin Luther King Jr.
I have a dream within a dream within a dream within another dream…. What now?
Sincerely,
Leonardo Di Caprio
***********************
Dear World,
Please stop freaking out about 2012. Our calendars ends there because some Spanish d-bags invaded our country and we got a little busy, ok?
Sincerely,
The Mayans
***********************
Dear Snooki,
GET BACK TO WORK!
Sincerely,
Willy Wonka
***********************
Dear White People,
Don’t you just hate immigrants?
Sincerely,
Native Americans
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Dear Twihards,
If he sparkles, he’s probably one of ours.
Sincerely,
Gay Men Of America
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Dear iPhone,
Please stop spellchecking all of my rude words into nice words. You piece of shut.
Sincerely,
Every iPhone User
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Dear Giant Spider on the Wall,
Please die. Please die. Please die. Please die. CRAP! Where did you go?
Sincerely,
Terrified
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Dear Trash,
At least you get picked up.
Sincerely,
The Girls of Jersey Shore
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Dear Man,
It’s cute, but can you pick up peanuts with it?
Sincerely,
Elephant
***********************
Dear Dr. Phil,
Look man, there’s only room for one fake doctor in this world and I was here first.
Sincerely,
Dr. Pepper
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Comment below and let me know which one was your favorite.
Image Source: ~*Gillian*~
