Best Thing I’ve Ever Read

So, this isn’t THE best thing I’ve ever read, but it is the subject line to the email I just received.

I love receiving funny emails that I can share with you.   I just wish I knew the original source so they could receive proper credit.    (Please comment below if you know the source.)

Enjoy!

***********************

Dear Noah,

We could have sworn you said the ark wasn’t leaving till 5.

Sincerely,

Unicorns

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Dear Twilight fans,

Please realize that because vampires are dead and have no blood pumping through them, they can never get an erection.

Enjoy fantasizing about that.

Sincerely,

Logic

************************

Dear Icebergs,

Sorry to hear about the global warming. Karma’s a bitch.

Sincerely,

The Titanic

************************

Dear America,

You produced Miley Cyrus. Bieber is your punishment.

Sincerely,

Canada

************************

Dear Yahoo,

I’ve never heard anyone say, “I don’t know, let’s Yahoo! It…” just saying…

Sincerely,

Google

************************

Dear 2010,

So I hear the best rapper is white and the president is black? WTF happened?!

Sincerely,

1985

************************

Dear Windshield Wipers,

Can’t touch this.

Sincerely,

That Little Triangle

***********************

Dear Rose,

There was definitely room on that raft for the both of us.

Sincerely,

Jack

***********************

Dear girls who have been dumped,

There are plenty of fish in the sea… Just kidding! They’re all dead.

Sincerely,

BP

***********************

Dear Saturn,

I liked it, so I put a ring on it.

Sincerely,

God

***********************

Dear Fox News,

So far, no news about foxes.

Sincerely,

Unimpressed

***********************

Dear Michael Jackson,

You really should have became a Catholic Priest. The pay isn’t great, but the benefits….

Sincerely,

The Pope

***********************

Dear jf;ldsfa/kvsmmklnn,

Please lknvfdmv.xvn.

Sincerely,

Stevie Wonder

***********************

Dear Nickleback,

That’s enough.

Sincerely,

The World

***********************

Dear Skin-Colored Band Aids,

Please make one for every skin color.

Sincerely,

Black people

***********************

Dear Scissors,

I feel your pain…..no one wants to run with me either.

Sincerely,

Sarah Palin

***********************

Dear Mary,

Just admit that you slept with someone else. This is getting out of hand.

Sincerely,

Joseph

***********************

Dear Osama Bin Laden,

Marco….

Sincerely,

United States

***********************

Dear World of Warcraft,

Thank you for ensuring my son’s virginity.

Sincerely,

Parents Everywhere

***********************

Dear Anne Frank,

Two can play this game….

Sincerely,

Waldo

***********************

Dear Batman,

What was your power again?

Sincerely,

Superman

***********************

Dear Customers,

Yes, we ARE making fun of you in Vietnamese.

Sincerely,

Nail Salon Ladies

***********************

Dear Americans,

I’m sorry, did you just insult us? I couldn’t hear you over my health care benefits.

Sincerely,

Canadians

***********************

Dear Global Warming,

You’re the best imaginary friend ever!

Sincerely,

Al Gore

***********************

Dear Ugly People,

You’re welcome.

Sincerely,

Alcohol

***********************

Dear Mr. Gump

WTF are you talking about? There’s a little diagram on the lid that tells you EXACTLY what you’re gonna get….

Sincerely,

Jenny

***********************

Dear Katy Perry,

I liked the kiss too.

Sincerely,

Justin Beiber

***********************

Dear Haiti,

Is it too early to ask what’s shakin’?

Sincerely,

Seriously Going To Hell

***********************

Dear Martin Luther King Jr.

I have a dream within a dream within a dream within another dream…. What now?

Sincerely,

Leonardo Di Caprio

***********************

Dear World,

Please stop freaking out about 2012. Our calendars ends there because some Spanish d-bags invaded our country and we got a little busy, ok?

Sincerely,

The Mayans

***********************

Dear Snooki,

GET BACK TO WORK!

Sincerely,

Willy Wonka

***********************

Dear White People,

Don’t you just hate immigrants?

Sincerely,

Native Americans

***********************

Dear Twihards,

If he sparkles, he’s probably one of ours.

Sincerely,

Gay Men Of America

***********************

Dear iPhone,

Please stop spellchecking all of my rude words into nice words. You piece of shut.

Sincerely,

Every iPhone User

***********************

Dear Giant Spider on the Wall,

Please die. Please die. Please die. Please die. CRAP! Where did you go?

Sincerely,

Terrified

***********************

Dear Trash,

At least you get picked up.

Sincerely,

The Girls of Jersey Shore

***********************

Dear Man,

It’s cute, but can you pick up peanuts with it?

Sincerely,

Elephant

***********************

Dear Dr. Phil,

Look man, there’s only room for one fake doctor in this world and I was here first.

Sincerely,

Dr. Pepper

***********************

Comment below and let me know which one was your favorite.

Image Source: ~*Gillian*~

305-749-6424
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  • Mcguire1854

    Dear Skin-Colored Band Aids. I cracked for a good 20. Seconds that is. 20 consecutive seconds is a long time to crack up. 

  • lexi

    about the nail salon thing…. I KNEW IT!

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